Of Families

“Marriage isn’t for you,” wrote Seth Adams Smith as something his father said to him. “You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family.” 1 As life has it, marriage has a purpose: to build a family and rear children. Marriage shouldn’t happen just because you had a free evening one Saturday night. There is real purpose to it.

The family is a delicate unit in today’s society and should be protected and reared with great care. “The Family Proclamation” was a document written by the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and attempts to protect the family unit by suggesting appropriate family guidelines. In the Family Proclamation it states that, “By divine design,” (in other words God has an opinion), “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” It also states that, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” 2

In many ways I find myself apologizing for “church culture” because many families don’t follow those guidelines. Let me clarify that God is a perfect being who understands the needs and delicacies of every family situation. The proclamation also states that, “Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.” While every circumstance is different, I must say that for the majority of people, God has taken a stance on what family life should look like because He knows this is the best way for us to become like Him, and He knows how to utilize our gifts best.

Note that the proclamation says “by divine design.” God wills it that way. When I asked my mother about it she said that a reason it could be that way was because there are certain, “natural and innate abilities of the genders to do those jobs.” As if she were talking about instinct. My mother continued, “Think about mothers being literally able to bear and nurture children.” Two examples of that would be birth and breastfeeding. She said, “Our bodies were made for it.”  

When my mother first met my father, she knew he had a lot of domestic abilities. She thought, “Oh great! You stay home with the kids, and I’ll go to work.” But it didn’t end up turning out that way, and my mother said she was grateful because she would have missed out on a lot. I’m grateful things turned out the way they did. I was able to spend more time with my mom, while being just as excited to see Dad when he got home from work.

Thinking about it further, my mother and father both had different things to bring to the table. My mother said, “Women are better suited at home with the children because of their emotional capacities.” (Not saying that men are incapable of emotional capacity.) That’s one thing my mother was good at. She went on to say that, “Dad would roughhouse you guys and that’s really important for kids.” I remember Dad playing with us and it was so much fun. Both men and women are needed in the home.

            The family really is a delicate unit in the world today. It’s is under attack in many ways because of the shifting values of society. The family needs to be protected under every possible circumstance. What will you do to protect the family unit?