Communication

 

             One of the greatest tools my mother gave me was her gift of being able to communicate and communicate well. I find it bothersome, and concerning, how little people know about communication these days because if they knew how to communicate many people could avoid conflict, and improve their overall relationships with others.

            People use communication in everything they do. A few examples are: job interviews, Facebook status, conflict resolution, and the expression between friends. Everyone needs communication, and everyone needs to know about it because it’s such a vital part of our lives.

            Most communication happens in 3 segments: the first, words; the second, tone; the third, body language (ha! As expressed in “The Little Mermaid”). Research shows that the actual results of communication include: 51% body language, 35% tone, and 14% words. Which brings up another point: it’s important to study body language because body language takes up about half of our communication to other people.

            Why, then, is it concerning that most people are using media as a main source of communication? Well, because with using media, you eliminate 1) body language, and 2) tone. This makes it harder to understand others, and easy misinterpretation of a persons words make for risky business. So why use media in the first place?

            To being, media is a non-risky way of communicating. 1) You get to think before you “speak” (or write), 2) you potentially avoid looking like a fool, and 3) receiving rejection is easier. Getting rejected over a text message is much easier than getting rejected in person or over the phone. Also, think about it, no one wants to call anymore because if you call someone, that’s weird in our society today. How it ever became that way beats me, but it is what it is.

            It is evident that communicating in person is much more effective that using other means of communication. With that being said, communicating in person comes with some serious risks: risks of losing friendships (which can happen over media, too, but is less likely), risks of being rejected and looking a fool, and risks of conflict with others.

            Disputes are perhaps the most distorted form of communication in my opinion because I have a theory that arguments are just another form of miscommunication. Think about the last fight or argument you had. What went on? Who said what? What was it about? Wasn’t there some form of communication that caused one or both persons to believe something was clearly wrong? That’s miscommunication, and that can be avoided. To avoid this miscommunication, there are five secrets you can do to solve, or fix this problem: 1) disarming, 2) empathy, 3) inquiry, 4) “I feel” statements, and 5) stroking.

            Let’s begin with disarming; this is where you find the “kernel” of truth in what they’re saying. Empathy is repeating back what they told you, and labeling their emotions (ex: “You must feel really upset because…”). Inquiry is saying, “am I getting that right?” I feel statements include “When_______ I feel ______________ because ___________ I would like ________.” Keep in mind that when you say “I feel______” you must insert an emotion otherwise it can easily turn into an attack. The last secret is stroking which I believe is finding something that you like about them. For example, “I like that you’re concerned about the situation. It shows you care.” I have found that these secrets WORK!

            To conclude, communication is very important, and very skewed in society today. Communication is the means by which we express ourselves to other people, and it’s something we use in everyday life. Let us make a better commitment to learning about communication and how it can bless our lives. What will you do to make a commitment to communication?