To begin, the first month
of marriage has challenges of it’s own. The challenges could be finances,
communication, sexual intimacy, conflict resolution, decision-making, or many,
many more. The first year can look a little different. After the first year,
bigger problems tend to weigh on the minds of those involved in the marriage. Their
“bigger problems” could be adjusting to unexpected life events (death, mental
health), time management, household tasks, figuring out cultural expectations,
handling extended family, and children (when to have them, and how to raise
them). All these things can affect marital satisfaction.
Marital satisfaction often looks like this: when the
marriage begins marital satisfaction is very, very high. Then after child one
it decreases a little bit, and continues to decrease with each child. Once all
the children are born it plateaus for a time, then starts to increase when the
children leave the house. Divorce often happens in the first two to five years
of marriage and when children start to leave the house or when all the children
are gone from the house. We often see that these things happen because spouses
are not including each other in the process of children to begin with.
It might look something like this: the husband and wife are
close to each other when the marriage begins. They might spend all their time
together, staring into each other’s eyes, having the most romantic time of
their lives. Then the wife gets pregnant. The husband might feel he has little to
do with the pregnancy, feeling as though the child might be hers not his. When
the child is born he might feel somewhat connected and have a really special
experience, but as time goes on he might see that the wife and child are really
close to each other and he might begin to feel left out. When this happens, the
couple slowly starts to spread apart from each other. The spreading just
continues as the wife’s demands from the child increase. The couple might have
less and less time with each other and a great divide happens.
A great divide is sad and nobody wants that! Looking at
the statistics, having children does not look promising for a marriage, at
least in my mind! I was so worried when I discovered this. BUT! (big but) there
are things we can do to solve those issues. The biggest one is to involve your
partner early on. When the wife gets pregnant, having the husband come to
prenatal checkups is helpful! Other things to help the situation include: planning
for changes, remembering your spouses needs, boosting and supporting each other,
taking turns with the fun and not-so-fun tasks, and expressing love often. So,
there is hope! This way, marital satisfaction can actually increase!
In conclusion, there are many challenges within the first
year of marriage including when and how to raise children. As research shows, marital
satisfaction usually decreases with each child; however, it can actually
increase if you pay close attention to your spouses needs. So, just a tip: keep
your marital relationship strong even after you have kids and you’ll see a lot more
success. Good luck, and more power to you! Have a fantastic week!
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