Parenting

 

            Parenting is perhaps one of the most frustrating and rewarding things you will ever do, or so people say. I’ve never had a child, but I hope to some day; thus learning about parenting is something I hold very dear to my heart.

            What is the purpose of parenting? Why parent? It’s been studied that kids have need for contact and belonging. “If they are not held they fail to develop correctly,” my professor stated. So parenting is super important. Parenting also helps us become like God, it allows us to bring children to the Earth, and with parenting everyone involved is affected. Can you see the importance of this grand calling?

            Many parents today are trying to rear their children without consequences. Being a former nanny with parents that had that specific parenting style, I can see the appeal; however, I don’t believe it’s the best way to raise children. You see, in every day life there are natural punishments and consequences that come with our actions. If children don’t learn to be responsible, to accept natural “punishments” or consequences, they are going to be in big trouble. What about when they start a job? What about when they raise their own children? They’re not going to learn any kind of responsibility that they need in life. So that parenting style, in my opinion doesn’t do your child any favors. Instead, it hinders them.

            I learned this week that “if you ask your children [demands], rather than tell your children [demands], children will start to feel like they’re not being taken care of and will take on the role of being the parent.” My reading stated to, “Respect your child, but be the decider of the family.” Children really need someone to be authoritative in their parenting style.

            Children also need someone to preside over them (plan with them), provide for them (pay for them), protect them (pair up with them) , and nurture them. Children also have a need for contact and personal belonging, as stated above. People, even adults, have need for eye contact, hugs, and handshakes. It’s something about those things that makes people feel connected. Parents need to offer contact (or affection) freely. Children need those cuddles, and hugs, and kisses. Children also have needs for contribution, responsibility, choices and consequences, help in daily tasks, and taking breaks.

            To begin, this is a model from someone else. Let me explain. First, children need help with contribution. If your child is acting out by undue attention seeking (like being obnoxious, or even participating in sexual relations), your child is looking for contact and belonging. One way to fix that is to 1) offer contact freely, and 2) teach your child to contribute. If your child is being rebellious or trying to control others your child is looking for power. Things you can do to fix that is by allowing them to make choices and reap the consequences of those choices. If your child is seeking revenge, they are seeking protection. What you can do to fix that is to be assertive and forgive. If your child is using undue avoidance they are withdrawing and they need someone to teach them to take wise breaks from tasks. If your child is participating in risk taking they need more challenge in their life. One thing you can do is encourage skill building.

            You can do all these things to teach your children correct ways of dealing with their problems. Whether they express it or not, they are watching your every move and will start to mimic behaviors. I hope you learned as much as I did.